Are some people just destined to be alone?

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TVOham Offline
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Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 12:25 am



I recently went through a very painstaking break up between myself and my girlfriend of three years.
I then went through a series of short relationships/break ups back to back.
It brought to my attention this semi-philosophical question that I've posed here. Are some peoples personalities just incompatible with a relationship? Obviously from a Biological standpoint I don't think you can much control the physical aspect of things. Sexual selection will take its course regardless. However (other than personality traits from circumstance), are people's compatibility levels a roll of the Darwinian dice as well? Is it evolutionary? If you aren't fit or able to find a mate does that just mean you lose? I know for a fact that in almost all of the relationships I've been in (including the long one) that the break up was my fault. I'm naturally a very judgemental/picky person (as most of you know by now) and this caused many of them to end.

Anyways, back to the question. I'd like to hear some of your opinions on the issue.
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Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 2:02 am



Interesting question. I'd like to think "we all have someone out there for us", but I just don't really believe we're all guaranteed love. That'd take away from it's value. I think we all value love so much because we don't feel like it's guaranteed. Some people do not ever find it. There's a man who goes to my church, who is pretty old. (I don't know his exact age). He's one of the nicest men you will ever meet, and he's funny, and smart and all that good stuff. He's never been married, I do not think for lack of effort, nor lack of warrant. Some of us just don't have it I think.


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Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 6:47 am



agreed. i'd like to think there was somewhere out there for us. Christian values of mine aside, it is true that men currently outnumber women in the world, and then of course you have homosexuality which is very large and a small number of monks and nuns and other chastity practicing people. I have weird opinions on this subject, i do believe that you will usually always have a what-if person, it's only natural to think of what could've been. I do believe that you may end up with someone, but not necessarily the right person all the time. Unfortunately, life and love are not usually coherent or even similar to the idealized rationalizations that movies and books of today tell us about true love. That nickelback (dear Goodness i want to kill myself for referencing a nickelback song), song about "there's got to be somebody for me like that", i think that in some form or another, there are such things as soulmates but we are not necessarily always going to end up with those people, but maybe we do and we are just ungrateful or selfish. People always say "be with the person who is always there for you" and i def. think that is true. But idealizations and physical attraction based on body has just taken away a lot of our maturity as far as relationships and mate-finding go. At the same time, i really think it all comes down to fate; if you believe in fate or not. because think about it; e-harmony. it could either represent a true psychological mix, or it could represent a new mechanism that is invented to pair together people who are destined to be together, harnessed by fate. it's a very complex subject, i've wondered about it for years (even though i am extremely young)
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i_like_turtles

Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2011 12:47 pm



I think this a lot about myself. I'm 19 and I've never had a boyfriend. Every time I like a guy, it turns to *beep*.


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Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2011 1:19 pm



While I still think that their is someone for everyone, maybe some people's soul-mates got hit by trucks?
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Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2011 1:56 pm



I don't like bein all serious and stuff all the time. But this subject depresses me like no other. It is pretty much my biggest fear in life to end up alone. I'm essentially a hopeless romantic and even as a little 2nd grade boy saying ew cooties, i wanted to find the perfect girl and get married. I've only dated 2 girls, one i left to be with the other. For like 3 years (after we broke up) i couldn't find anyone i was into, and eventually i found someone i was okay with, and i found out yesterday that my 10 months of trying to get this girl to date me when she wanted to date me didn't matter (cause now she is dating what is basically a slob....so i feel like she was playing me more than i knew she was).

This subject really depresses me though, i've fallen asleep at night after crying for a little bit about it, wondering if i will ever date again or find someone. I'm not religious at all, but the idea of being alone makes me so depressed that i want to be religious if that makes sense. I want to believe in a soul mate. At the same time, i'm nervous about something like this. http://www.amazingposts.com/2008/05/dif ... e.html?m=1" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; Almost like eventually, i'm just going to lower my standards and just find someone just so i'm not alone, or i'll put it off and keep wondering what if?

I've posted this before but it is relevant.
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I'm personally terrified to see myself age alone, with no family and no close friends it makes me nervous. I want to find someone who will be supportive of me and my best friend, but i'm pretty sure it won't happen.

So to answer your question, yes. I do think some people will be alone forever.
Last edited by dcbd on Sun Nov 27, 2011 2:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2011 2:10 pm



dcbd, Thank you for representing my conscious in this thread.


i_like_turtles

Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2011 3:11 pm



I feel like this will be me for the rest of my life:


PogoPantheon Offline
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Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Mon Nov 28, 2011 6:47 am



it's sad to think, it truly is... as much as, like i said, i'd like to think everyone has someone... i'm absolutely terrified of dying alone... granted, i don't know when i'll die. but if i grow old alone, and think of every love that i could've had... but had to settle with someone less... that will be the death of my meaningful existence. 'a salad with someone you like is better than a steak with someone you hate'. seriously... the sentiment dcbd gave about "wanting faith just to feel not so alone" really hit home with me, not because that's how i am, but it's really groundshaking to think that humans by nature cannot stand to be alone. there are some serious introverts, but everyone has the desire to love and to feel loved...
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my opinions and comments are mine and mine alone, and in no way reflect the beliefs, teachings, or opinions of any group i am associated with.
sQuiGglyMuFflYWiGS wrote:when your about to go insane take the time to stop and appreciate how nice the color guard girls butt looks while shes wearing virtually nothing. give yourself a highfive then go back to being awesome at band.


lij2015 Offline
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Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Mon Nov 28, 2011 2:06 pm



I really didn't think this would provide such great insight. The thought of being 70 or 80 something and not having anyone to miss you when you're gone is terrible.
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dcbd Offline
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Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Mon Nov 28, 2011 4:41 pm



I like seeing that some people agree with me though, even if it is a depressing subject its chill to see people that feel the same way, at least to some extent lol.
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Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Mon Nov 28, 2011 6:28 pm



destiny is overrated. make your own destiny. if you tell yourself you're supposed to be alone, you're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy t
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TVOham Offline
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Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Mon Nov 28, 2011 10:45 pm



If you end up alone then you're an evolutionary failure.
Your families lineage is decreased and the gene pool is made more fit.

So in a way you HAVE contributed something. You've made the species a bit stronger.
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i_like_turtles

Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 9:51 pm



TVOham wrote:If you end up alone then you're an evolutionary failure.
Your families lineage is decreased and the gene pool is made more fit.

So in a way you HAVE contributed something. You've made the species a bit stronger.
That's reassuring.

I'm not too big on having kids, but I'd like to continue my family. Sometimes I feel like my standards are too high. Actually, I feel like that all the time. The guy I like now is so amazing, sweet, talented, and very attractive. I would say he's way out of my league. But I still like him. Which gives me something to keep me happy for a little bit at least.


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Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 7:56 am



not to make this a landslide, and i do believe in destiny and all that, but as great as the concepts of existentialism and evolutionary dominance are, i think it's pretty disgusting and cynical to denounce something like love or meaning for the sake of "scientific rationality". -.- it's essentially just overthinking something when people should just let it be, a simple beauty that has been completely corrupted by needless overanalysis. And people claim "we should constantly try to understand the universe" when doing so has only ruined any trace of humanity and calm in almost every place on this planet. /rant
i have marched in HS and Div. 2 DCI.
my opinions and comments are mine and mine alone, and in no way reflect the beliefs, teachings, or opinions of any group i am associated with.
sQuiGglyMuFflYWiGS wrote:when your about to go insane take the time to stop and appreciate how nice the color guard girls butt looks while shes wearing virtually nothing. give yourself a highfive then go back to being awesome at band.


TVOham Offline
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Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 9:09 am



If passing on your families lineage is your goal then just find some desperate guy and have him impregnate you.

It's not over thinking anything.
Humans are mammals on this planet. Every mammals main goal in life is to reproduce and pass on its lineage.

Talking about the concept of "love" is what's over thinking it.
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Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 10:32 pm



PogoPantheon wrote:not to make this a landslide, and i do believe in destiny and all that, but as great as the concepts of existentialism and evolutionary dominance are, i think it's pretty disgusting and cynical to denounce something like love or meaning for the sake of "scientific rationality". -.- it's essentially just overthinking something when people should just let it be, a simple beauty that has been completely corrupted by needless overanalysis. And people claim "we should constantly try to understand the universe" when doing so has only ruined any trace of humanity and calm in almost every place on this planet. /rant
I don't think analysis or understanding has ever ruined anything... I can understand that for some people, they'd just rather not know. But not everyone thinks that way. It's possible to see beauty in how everything works. Just because I know why leaves are green and what purpose they serve doesn't mean I no longer like looking at leaves. And I don't really understand that last bit of your comment. A lot of conflict has arisen around differing beliefs about the universe. But the knowledge itself or the quest for knowledge isn't the problem, people are the problem.

Basically what I'm saying is, to each his own. People don't go into the field of science because it depresses them and rationalizes the beauty out of everything... They do it because they like it. Watch anything with Neil deGrasse Tyson and tell me that dude doesn't think the universe is a wonderful and beautiful thing. If you would rather see everything as being created by God and that's what you find beautiful, that's cool. Once you say that someone's view on life is "disgusting and cynical", then the calm has been disturbed my friend.
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Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:04 pm



yoshikinto wrote:
PogoPantheon wrote:not to make this a landslide, and i do believe in destiny and all that, but as great as the concepts of existentialism and evolutionary dominance are, i think it's pretty disgusting and cynical to denounce something like love or meaning for the sake of "scientific rationality". -.- it's essentially just overthinking something when people should just let it be, a simple beauty that has been completely corrupted by needless overanalysis. And people claim "we should constantly try to understand the universe" when doing so has only ruined any trace of humanity and calm in almost every place on this planet. /rant
I don't think analysis or understanding has ever ruined anything... I can understand that for some people, they'd just rather not know. But not everyone thinks that way. It's possible to see beauty in how everything works. Just because I know why leaves are green and what purpose they serve doesn't mean I no longer like looking at leaves. And I don't really understand that last bit of your comment. A lot of conflict has arisen around differing beliefs about the universe. But the knowledge itself or the quest for knowledge isn't the problem, people are the problem.

Basically what I'm saying is, to each his own. People don't go into the field of science because it depresses them and rationalizes the beauty out of everything... They do it because they like it. Watch anything with Neil deGrasse Tyson and tell me that dude doesn't think the universe is a wonderful and beautiful thing. If you would rather see everything as being created by God and that's what you find beautiful, that's cool. Once you say that someone's view on life is "disgusting and cynical", then the calm has been disturbed my friend.
Good post. For me, the universe becomes more beautiful the more I understand it.
hotbeats645 wrote:if you tell yourself you're supposed to be alone, you're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy t
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Re: Are some people just destined to be alone?

Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 9:14 am



I completely agree with yoshikinto. The more I learn about the complexities of life, the more I appreciate it. Certainly not less. I don't need an irrational superficial view of something to appreciate it. Our bodies are compilations of millions of cells which themselves are compilations of numerous smaller parts which themselves are compilations of uncountable atoms, all acting in concert to produce the illusion of us an individual beings. We look onto ourselves and ponder our existence and destiny and all that but none of that actually means anything. We're here by the sheer happenstance of the things that have happened in the past. The odds of any one person existing are almost insurmountably huge, yet you do exist. You're a grand cosmic 'accident,' the swirling beauty of a tornado out of the chaos of a thunderstorm, or the near perfect symmetry of a snowflake from random frozen water sticking together. Order from chaos, a temporary compilation of matter that will last but less than the blink of an eye on the universe's timescale. None of this makes you less interesting, nor does any of it imply that you have a purpose to do anything but exist. Find your own happiness. Make your own destiny. You only have one shot at it. Don't sit back and wait for something to happen or you may miss it.


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Re:

Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2014 9:13 am



I honestly think with 7 billion people on this rock that it is very possible that we all have SOMEONE out there we are compatible with. I just think it's impossible that someone not have someone in this big world they could have a functional relationship with. That being said it is not guaranteed you'll ever meet this person or one of these people because it may be hard to come across that 30/7,000,000,000 in your life time let alone meet them. But I also think that sometimes we tend to come across someone we can work with and I don't really have an explanation for what brings us together but it seems to happen often enough and I've even seen some people you'd never think get that kind of relationship find one. So man keep your head up, we're all weird but I guarantee you'll find your equivalent weird and until that day there is no use being upset about it when you could live in a happier vibe.

Also I don't think our personalities are caused by genetics I firmly believe our personalities come from our upbringing (psychology) and how certain things influence us as we're raised, so I don't think you not being able to get along as well as others is nessicarily a "Darwinian Dice Roll".

That's just my two cents.
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